Walking down Aristotle's yellow brick road

3:06AM

The following post contains a question regarding the result of the act of self gratification. It deals with the disposal of bodily fluids, though not the bodily fluids you might expect. It might contain information about the personal habits of the author you do not want to know. Consider yourself warned. If you keep reading, you're on you own. Though it's probably not as bad as you're thinking it will be right now. Regardless, I'm not taking any responsibility for what happens when that assumption turns out to be wrong. Don't make me say I told you so.

Anyway. As you might or might not be aware, I'm a single male. A single male with needs and an internet connection. As we all know the internet's for porn¹ and that's just fine when you want to fulfill those aforementioned needs and haven't got anybody else nearby who'd want to help you with that².

Now here's the deal: after having taken care of those needs and the resulting mess I always get the urge to take a leak. I'm supposing this is because male self gratification involves the tightening of certain muscles and the subsequent relaxation of those muscles³ when the show⁴ is over. This then also relaxes the muscle that keeps the content of your bladder in said bladder, which in turn gives you the urge to fulfill some other needs and relieve yourself. Or it could just be some habit I picked up somehow.

The obvious question then being: is it indeed just a habit I picked up or is there something more to it than that? So let me know men: is this something that you've experienced or am I some alien from Mars talking crap? Question for the women: is this just me, is this just men or is this something that happens to women as well?

To protect the innocent and guilty alike: feel free to comment anonymously. And by the way: feel free to consult with members of the opposite gender you feel comfortable with doing so and report your findings. I'd like to put this conundrum to bed and the more data the better. Besides I think makes for a great ice breaker at parties.


¹Safe for work unless your boss has a problem with puppets repeatedly using the word porn in a humorous context
²Anybody willing to correct this gross miscarriage of justice can contact me at usmu(at)hotmail(dot)com
³At least that's what I seem to remember from sex-ed. Even if not true the end the show is relaxing
⁴Anybody looking to audition can contact me at usmu(at)hotmail(dot)com. What do you mean... desperate?

1:44AM - Writer's Block: The right fight

My proudest life accomplishment: not being the man I was and that being a good thing.

Tonight me and my brother were sitting on the couch discussing where we are at in our lives right now. The one thing we both said: how we could see how much the other had improved his life. Things haven't been easy for the both of us, but we've dealt and are dealing with it. We keep learning and growing and along the way make things better for ourselves. We're not there yet, but the fact we were able to say this about eachother to eachother makes me a happy man. Not just for myself, but for my brother as well. Life's good and it's only going to get better. And you just can't fucking beat that.

12:35AM

So I'm turning in to the BBC1 to see how Children in need is going. Finding out I don't actually care that much, I turn to BBC2 and end up watching Newsnight for a bit. They're talking about Oprah and the more I listen the more I get the feeling she's dead. There's a lot of past tenses and the main topic is her influence on America.

Now I'm curious as to how she ended up dead. As far as I know, which isn't all that far but far enough, she was in good health. It wasn't like her nose was falling off. Maybe she had a secret addiction to heavy sedation medication, who knows. So I'm checking dutch news. Nothing there. So I do the smart thing and fire up the internet and do a quick google check. Apparently she's not dead, but has decided to stop doing her talk show.

This might be important news if you're a soccer mom. I mean, where else would you get a chance to find the keys to some stupid SUV under the seat you're sitting on and go nuts. Or just go nuts at anything or anybody she has on the show. Other than that I think it's just not a big deal.

Well, there's the fact that we'll no longer be bothered by doctors in their operating smock or psychiatrists saying America should be less stressed and ends up overworked about two months later. That's good news. No more authors who have fabricated a heart warming autobiography. No more I've been through this as well. And slightly worse than you have.

I'll have to give her this though: if it weren't for Oprah and her couch we'd never have seen Tom Cruise act like the aforementioned middle class woman and go nuts. That almost makes all the aches and pains worth it. Almost.

11:22PM

Not dead. Haven't started on the rewrite but will this week. Celebrated my birthday. Got a terrabyte-sized extrenal HD. Also got tickets to see Betty Serveert play at the Ecco on th 12th of the 12th. Life is good.

11:18PM

The only way not to lose a game you can't win is not playing. Life becomes so much less frustrating, and quite possibly quite a bit more fun when you do.

12:19PM

I haven't played it yet, but it looks like fun. If I ever get round to going to the games shop I'll probably pick it up. If you're not into games you get to enjoy orcs, knights and the occasional princess do their thing. A short (video) introduction of the rules of Batt'l Kha'os.

( As per usual embedded stuff under here. )

2:30AM

Once again I'm not in bed when I should be. This is, as you might have guessed by now, somewhat of a recurring theme with me. I'm not a morning person to begin with and have the annoying habit to know what I should do, but then ignore myself completely.

Like watch a movie on tv, decided it's time to go to bed but instead check if there's some poker on tv and continue to watch that. So instead of going to sleep at a semi decent time, I get about half of the sleep I need and see some commentators taking a guess at what everybody at the table is going to do. It's tv I can, but often don't, do without.

There's was a time however I would be in bed at nine, at least three days of the week. Without any trouble whatsoever. Surprised? Given the fact that I was fourteenish at the time, you might call it a small miracle. The one thing that did stay the same though was the fact I didn't get much sleep. Because I still managed to avoid going to sleep before twelve most of the times, sometimes even later.

The reason for that? I'd won a small portable radio at a local fair that year. It was a cheapish plasticy kind of thing. Nothing much to look at, but it good at what it was supposed to be doing: picking up radio signals and translate them into sound. Snuggling up in bed, radio on the night stand, listening to people I didn't know introducing me to bands I'd never heard of, but liked, it was magic.

Technically speaking it's not much of a trick. Any decent science teacher should be able to explain it in an at least reasonably understandable way. But that's only half the story. The other half is that unexplainable part where you lay in bed, twiddling the dial ever so gently so might be able to pick up Armed Forces America on a sunday night so you could listen to the Dr. Demento show.

They say that video killed the radio star. It did. It's the same reason you either read the book or see the movie adaptation. What has been seen can't been unseen. There's no escape to wherever you want to take yourself. Nowadays they even claim that reality killed the video. Again, I can't do anything but agree. The imagination is gone from whatever it is they call main stream now.

I must sound like the guy who always claims everything was better in the old days. Specifically the days of his youth. And to some extent I am. I'd liked it if I still could have listened to the same people and the same music. This would be a pretty darn sad state of affairs for someone who'll turn 33 in a bit over three weeks, if it weren't for one simple fact: whoever the "youth of today" is or has been, they were never any good according to the "elders of today".

Funny thing is they pretty much do the same things we used to do when we were their age: we drank, did drugs, had sex, listened to music and even occasionally behaved ourselves. The infuriating thing is, they do the same things, but do them differently. We used to tape our music, they copy mp3s. Same thing, but we don't get it anymore. We're getting old and, to some extent, senile. Even at nearly 33.

And you know what? That's fine by me. That's how I know that out there, somewhere, there's this kid with his ears glued to whatever the modern equivalent of that cheap plastic radio is. It means the world is still the magical place it used to be. And that's a comforting thought.

10:52PM

I managed to make an appointment for tomorrow morning with school. I'm going to be hearing what exactly the current verdict on my graduztion paper is. I'm getting frigging nervous. Now, to put this in perspective: normally I don't get nervous until the very last moment. Say the last 15 minutes or so before an exam. At this point I do start bouncing off the walls, but when the thing I'm getting nervous about gets going I'm done with being nervous and úsually pretty good.

Part of me is going: fuck this, you know it's going to be alright. Just a couple of alterations and you're going to be ok. Part of me is scared to bits one of these guys is going to say: well... nice try dude, but sorry, you're not going to make it. It's not even that last part that's making me nervous. It's not knowing which way the coin is going to fall that's getting to me.

The people around me must be sick and tired of me bitching about it by know. Can't blame them either. Anyway, I'll know where I stand tomorrow morning. At least that will take care of the uncertainty. In the mean time I doubt whether or not I'm going to get much sleep tonight.

4:15AM

It's about half past four in the morning on the first day of work after a month long vacation. I should be in bed. Instead I've been playing Popcap's Plants vs. Zombies. Great little, and very addictive, game. Of course I'm going to regret this in the morning, but that is then and this is now. Now I'm going to post some songs that make me feel good in preparation for tomorrow's backlash.

1. 172 communications students doing a one shot video of the Black Eyed Pees' I got a feeling. A crappy song that I happen to like. People enjoying themselves. It's just good clean fun.

2. A lovely Canadian lady, Sesame Street, counting and a contagiously happy song. What could you possiblely want more than that? Feist - 1,2,3,4

3. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch you must first invent the universe. Carl Sagan - 'A Glorious Dawn' ft Stephen Hawking (Cosmos Remixed) Now that's poetry.

4. Not strictly a song, but it makes me happy. Me in a Rueda de Casino at my dance school



( embedded stuff here )

12:47AM

Came home from my salsa dance lessons half an hour ago and all is right with the world. I'm listening to Blue Note jazz. Some of it 60 plus years old, some of it quite recent, all of it great songs. All this courtesy of a book called Blue Note Photography. Not only does it feature the wonderful pictures of Francis Wolff and Jimmy Katz, but also two cd's with highlights of releases on the now 70 year old Blue Note label. For me the cd's are a very nice bonus to the book, but you could argue that the book is a nice bonus with the cd's. Either way, highly recommended.

On my way to aforementioned dance lessons I picked up the paperback version of Nation by Terry Pratchett. I'm a hundred and a bit pages in and it's a great read so far.

I was a bit hesitant about the story: boy and girl end up on an otherwise deserted island after a tsunami wipes out the people living on it and crashes a boat there. In the hands of a lesser writer we would end up with a disaster in the shape of a Blue Lagoon in book form. We all know the only redeeming factor about that movie is a barely legal, semi-nude Brooke Shields and that might be pleasant imagery, but does not translate well to paper.

Fortunately this is Terry Pratchett we're talking about. He's got a great eye for the human condition and a compassion and warmth to go with it that resonate through the book. There's a bit more to go, so I can't really recommend it just yet, but I've found it hard to put down and that's always a good sign.

10:55PM

My take on the whole Polanski thing: he raped a 13 year old and fled justice. Justice has caught up with him. Any mitigating circumstances, like foul play on account of the prosecution, should be taking into consideration, but he should be held accountable for his actions. Would we be having this discussion if he wasn't a famous director? I think not. And that's reason enough to conclude his trail.

10:38PM

Came back from a six day vacation in Berlin with my parents and brother today. This means I spent 8 hours traveling, most of which on trains. I like traveling on trains, but am spent. So here are some quick highlights:

I have reconfirmed my believe that conceptual art stinks. 60s/70s conceptual art even more so. Not even an imaginative story is going to make crappy art good. Even more so, if I need any kind of background story to make sense of your art it's not good art. The Hamburger Bahnhof is a nice museum non the less.

I am now the proud owner of Sumo by Helmut Newton. It's a very weighty reprint of a collection of 300 something of his photos first printed in a 10000 copies edition with a display by Philip Starck done by Taschen. Though not by Starck this edition did come with its own printed box and display.

The Helmut Newton Stiftung (that's german for foundation; that takes care of the educational content) is a nice musuem as well and has a rather nice bookstore. Another really good bookstore, and where I got my Newton book, is the Bücherboogen. Located under the arches of the S-Bahn train line it has a large select of anything arts, architecture, photography and a lot of other things. I really could have spent a fortune buying books.

There's enough to see in Berlin to spent several vacations there and still not have seen it all. Some things you go to for the historical factor, pther you just find by walking around and enjoying the sights. Checkpoint Charly has become a tourist trap basically. But then you start walking round the neighbourhood and see all kinds of lovely architecture, a nice art gallery photo exhibition and what not and enjoy it anyway.

Three top tips: if you're going with a couple of people for a longer period of time, rent an appartment. Affordable and far nicer than a hotel or hostel. Secondly, forget about taking a city tour. Buy yourself a good guide book and take bus 100. It covers a lot of the sights, it's cheap and it's far more of an adventure as these things go. And last but not least: affordable and good food: Kant Cafe, Kantstrasse 135. Slightly less affordable but very good and huge portions of Italian food: 12 apostel in the bleidtruestrasse.

10:14PM

It's that time of year. No I'm not announcing a possible revival of my love life, spring has come and gone quite a while, but the kick off of the new Strictly Come Dancing season on the BBC. I've been getting excited about it ever since I saw the announcements.

Normally I do know a least some of the contestants, but this time around I only know two. Phil Tuffnel is an ex-cricketer who's done A Question of Sport as one of the team captains. He's a bit of a goofball, so I'm quite curious as how to how he'll do. As they've chopped up the 16 couples into two groups of 8, I'll have to wait to find out.

The other one is Martina Hingis. Now I was under the impression that she's Swiss, but given the fact she's on the show she apparently has some British connection. More on her later.

I missed the first show yesterday because I had a friend over, but based on tonight's show it could well shape up to be a good season. Both Chris Hollis and Ali Bastian both gave really good performances. The not really good but fun to watch factor was provided by Ricky Groves. Fortunately the John Sargeant factor is low. The bad people are bad, the fun people are at least semi-competent.

What didn't change though was the fact that people who don't deserve to go did. The dance off was between Rav Wilding and, I said there'd be more about her, Martina Hingis. They weren't the best, but certainly not the worst. Joe calzage had that dubious honor, followed not to far behind by Lynda Bellingham.

The dance off itself was very close, but during the show Martina definitely outperformed Rav. The vote unfortunately didn't go her way. A two-two draw with the deciding vote cast by headjudge Len. Though neither did really deserved to go yet, Martina deserved it slightly less. Ah well, at this point in the show it's not really a biggy, there's time enough for the bad people to get kicked out, but I'd loved to have seen Martina have a chance to improve.

Following Bruce Forsyth's lead there's only thing left to do and that's declare my favorite. For now that's going to be Ali Bastian. Not only did she do two really good dances, but she's dancing with Brain Fortuna, who's one of my favorite professionals.

10:26PM

After the break on Dr. Phil: Uncle Sam has had trouble raising his kids. We're going delve into what has gone wrong and what he has done to correct the situation.

*the leader with the usual saccharine and energetic images of Dr. Phil and guest*

Dr. Phil: So what happened?

Uncle Sam: Well in the beginning it all went pretty well. The kids were behaving pretty well and listened to what I had to say. Even if they misbehaved they would listen to me when I explained what they did wrong and why the shouldn't do it. At some point that changed.

Dr. Phil: How?

Uncle Sam: It seemed they weren't listening anymore to what I had to say. So I started slapping them. At first it seemed to help. Then I noticed it didn't help as much as I would like, so I started spanking them. The belt would helpful as well.

Audience: Oooooh!

Dr. Phil: Judging by the reaction of the audience they agree with me that that is not a good thing. So when did you realize that you were going down a very slippery slope?

Uncle Sam: One day I smacked around of my kids really bad. Instead of crying he looked at me and said I hate you. That really shook me. I realized that what I was doing was wrong. So I stopped. Now I'm trying to regain the trust of my children.

Dr. Phil: And you got some help with raising the kids, right?

Uncle Sam: Yeah, I've got some good neighbors who help out these days. Like the saying goes: you need a village to raise children. Some are a bit rough round the edges, but they're great friends. They help me out, I help them out.

Dr. Phil: So how does that work?

Uncle Sam: Well I help them out with buying groceries and such. Occasionally they look after the kids in return. So when I feel like I'm losing control and want to hit them I send them round to the neighbors so I won't do it. Occasionally they will discipline them by hitting them, but that's out of my control.

Dr. Phil: we're going to go into that after the break.

*the leader with the usual saccharine and energetic images of Dr. Phil and guest*


So yeah, Obama is looking at the torture by the CIA but is keeping rendition as a terrorist fighting tool. It's progress, but it's slow and torturous.

3:06AM

It's a bit past three in the late evening or early morning. I'll leave the choice on that one up to you. This afternoon my brother and me were doing the whole have you seen / do you remember this song meme. We started with the latest one to make the cut: Bananaphone, forgot and therefor didn't watch the llama song and winded down with the badger song

This prompted me to try to remember, and fail at first but prevail in the end, one of my favorite internet songs: I'm a cow by Riddle me this. NSFW if your boss disagrees with an animated farmer and cow in BDSM-gear.

2:12AM

An apology to starkyld and dignam whose reply I deleted because of the deletion of a double post due to an edit.

1:43AM

Dear Americans,

What amazes the hell out of me is that not only do you don't know the difference between socialism and communism, but you think Obama is actually left wing. Most of his stances are centralist and right of center at that for us Europeans.

What amazes the hell out of me is that not only are the Republicans mouth pieces spouting the most retarded drivel, death panels - birth certificate issues - socialism is anti american, but people actually believe them.

What amazes me is that not only is Fox News still considered a news channel, you can learn just as much about what's going on in the world by watching a satirical news show instead of watching the actual news.

And what amazes me most of all is the fact that there are people among you that feel that people who can't afford health care don't deserve health care. That people feel it's not only ok to stop talking and start shouting, but keep others from talking that way.

Individually you're quite nice people, but right now, as a country, you're making yourself look silly at best. Much more so than the Jerry Springer show ever did.

A sympathetic European

5:44PM

It's been a week since I've posted something. Which makes it time for the lets post a song until I can find time to post a meaningful update. This should be somewhere in the not to distant feature as I'm finishing up my bachelor paper and hopefully hand it in on monday after discussing it with my supervisor at work. That doesn't mean however I'm going to post some random filler. At least not today.

So what have I got in store for you today? Today I've got one of the best songs ever written performed by a very remarkable and talented man.

The song: Blackbird.
The artist: Bobby McFerrin.

You probably know him because he had a massive hit with Don't worry, be happy. But there's so much more to this man than just a silly song. Whether on his own or doing a bit of audiance participation he is just amazing. The joy that man radiates! And there's so much more I'd like you to have a look at. But you'll have to go to youtube for that.

Anyway without further ado: from his show Spontanious Inventions Bobby McFerrin doing Blackbird

11:57AM

If you can think of it it's being done somewhere. Specially on the interwebs. Look
here for Potter/Dr. Who and here for Potter/CSI crossover fanfic. Not as weird as the CSI/Babylon 5 crossover, but it'll do nicely.

You can "thank" zoethe for making me look.

4:09AM

It's now 4:09 CET. This means I should be in bed. And should have been for hours. But I guess it's pretty obvious I'm not. Why? Because my love of all things 80s has foiled me once again. How? I've been watching Cocaine Cowboys, a documentary on the Miami drug trade of the 70s and 80s. And now I know what they based Miami Vice and Scarface on. Loosely, I might add, because truth is stranger than fiction. That's because it doesn't have to make sense. Or carry a narrative for that matter. But it's quite a story. And they got Jan Hammer to do the soundtrack.

A page with the 12 youtube movies.

( first part embedded here )